Oct 11, 2022
This is our family reference to the menopause. ‘alright mum? Is it the pause?’ When I come home from work, rush into the kitchen stripping items of clothing off and splash water on my face from the washing up bowl in a frenzy.
I openly talk about it, it’s a fact of life; every woman will go through it. To different degrees, from a mild hot flush to wanting to murder someone. Oh the regret I have for having kids later in life so going through ‘the pause’ whilst managing teenagers’. My house is a powder keg of emotions that’s ready to explode at any time. Why did no one tell me - Have them earlier so they will have left before you kick into full ‘pause’ mode.
I want to mention ‘the pause’ as I think women struggle but so too do their families. Your family know that things may be off kilter, mood changes, snapping, little patience, finding you on the sofa with just your bra and pants watching Pointless. The irony…..
It’s also hard for them as they just don’t know how to help. They can often feel useless and so ‘avoid’ to minimise any potential conflict, or saying the wrong thing. Our partners can feel alienated, there can be a distance that is created in close relationships. ‘The pause’ can generate fatigue, no motivation, low self esteem, sometimes weight gain and headaches, not sleeping, so making the effort to be intimate, overwhelming.
I have seen many ladies in my practice who have come for help with anxiety, they have been prescribed antidepressants and feel like they are unraveling. Some think they are going crazy, they don’t feel in control of themselves, sometimes not recognising the person they are becoming. They can’t manage work, when previously they knew the job inside out, brilliant at it, but feel like they are falling apart. In some cases they had resigned from their jobs, so not only losing themselves but also their purpose and some the self worth that came with the job and the financial difficulties that leaving their job created.
I am not a doctor but I recognised in some of these ladies that they were experiencing the menopause. HRT hadn’t been discussed but antidepressants had. Sometimes they can help, but it’s also possibly the hormones in our bodies need replacing to help create a good balance of well-being. Speak to your GP and explore the options you may have? I find they are more willing to help with the menopause now than they were a few years ago, maybe we have Divina McCall to thank for that?
Check out the website below, it’s written by a female doctor who specialises in the menopause. They even have an area called the men shed, which helps partners understand what’s going on and how they can help. Forums to talk to others who are going through the same thing.
Talk to your loved ones during this difficult time so they know what’s happening and what you need from them to help. Think of the small things they can help with? Ask for help, I know most women ‘just get on with it’, cos that’s what we do, but to be vulnerable is a strength, being vulnerable isn’t being a victim. I like this quote from Yasmin Mogahed, “Some people should not be allowed to see beyond your surface. Seeing your vulnerability is a privilege, not meant for everyone”.
Maybe that quote will help you share your vulnerability with those that love you who already know they are privileged.
Disclaimer: This article has been designed for entertainment and informational purposes; it is not personalised medical advice. This guide may be a useful read to generate some ideas, however, please take advice from a medical professional.